Ashes of us

After an unfortunate loss in their lives, SADHAN and DEEPA, both in mid-30s, find their relationship in a spiraling limbo. While still living under the same roof, the closeness and intimacy has vanished leaving behind a void filled by coldness and indifference. Engulfed by this, their life has become a series of monotonous repetition of their daily routine with neither of them acknowledging one another. To break this cycle, Sadhan initiates, time and again, to thaw the indifference between them but his courage always fizzles out the crucial moments. Seeing as how the present holds no future, Sadhan seeks comfort in the past which has been stored in a memory vault, quite literally. After one such visit to the memory vault, Sadhan summons all his might and makes one last effort but at the crucial moment his courage wanes again.

When a friend of mine, Ayush Shrestha (DoP of the film), first narrated me the story he had in his mind, the first connection I made with it was the world in which this story was taking place. Being a big fan of magical realism as a concept and as an artistic genre, I was really intrigued by the world that I saw in the story. An otherwise realistic world, a kind that is around us, expect for the fact that there is a place in the world where memories can be stored, physically and retrieved and it is a natural thing in this world. A world where walking down the memory lane has, quite a, literal meaning. Seeing that this could be a great opportunity to dabble in the genre that I so love, I chose to develop, write and direct this movie. Creation of a make-believe world was an exciting prospect of the project but it was equally difficult. As a writer, figuring out the laws of the memory vault and the world in large was fun but as a director landing upon the aesthetics of the world was, well, at times head scratching process. The idea that different light would wash up the hallway, every time a different door would open was something that was there from the genesis. Figuring out the place surrounding it took some effort. The goal was to create this magical memory vault as a mystical place but at the same time treat it a natural part of this world. Finding that balance, came with loss of some sleep. In the end, with recces and discussions and again loss of some peace of mind, we found the places and aesthetic that are now the part of the memory vault in the film. And tough as it was, I would not discount the learning I have gained. While it was fun to create my own make believe world, as taxing and joyous as it was, I was also clear in one thing that the world of the story can’t be at the forefront of the movie. As fantastical as the idea of memory vault was it was still a plot device. The core of the film is the relationship between these people, who are in grief, processing the great loss that occurred in their life. How the silence that followed after turned into indifference and how that indifference became a norm that breaking it became tough, is the upshot of the movie. The other idea in the film, which I personally connect to, is the looking back at the past with this golden lens and reminiscing fondly whenever in present we are stuck in a limbo, which is also why the room behind the door all had different colors. These were the two main ideas that I kept in mind while creating a visual style for the film, which is more of an observational look at things, refraining to use more dynamic shots for key parts like in memories and the ending. The key emotional core of the film was derived by ‘confusion.’ And visual was drawn by the observation style. This is all there is to my approach on the making of this project and also the learning from it.